Triple egg and bacon garlic chilli chutney extravaganza

A great one for that big weekend breakfast. This is a creation I am proud to call my own, although my Brother named it. It was inspired initially by Lister's fried egg chilli chutney sandwich in Red Dwarf, but grew to be so much more. To call it a sandwich would be to do it a great injustice. Now I know that there's a fine line between pride in your work and arrogance, but wait 'til you taste it!

You will need(per sandwich);
Three slices of bread, preferably thick, but also depending on the size of your mouth
Four rashers of bacon
Two to three good cloves of garlic
Fresh chillis, to taste and desired degree of heat(although this was originally meant to be HOT!!)
Sausages(optional extra)
Mango chutney
Ketchup
HP sauce
Chilli sauce(preferably tabasco chipotle sauce but any good chilli sauce will do)
Three eggs
Salt and pepper

Start by chopping up your chillis and garlic. For the garlic, chop as finely as possible, then put a good pinch of salt on and crush with the flat of your knife. Then chop again, then crush again, until it is very fine. For the chillis, simply remove the tops then chop finely. If you do not wish it to be too hot, remove the seeds and run them under warm water. A note for when handling hot chillis. I have learnt from a couple of nasty experiences with chemical burns that it is a good idea to wear disposable rubber gloves of the sort they wear in Subway, etc. You should be able to find them in your supermarket and they could save you some not inconsiderable discomfort.
Now put some oil in a frying pan and set it over a medium heat. If you are using sausages, chuck them in the pan and cook, turning regularly, until golden brown. While the sausages cook, prepare the bread by putting the sauces on. The only thing you have to be aware of here is that one side each on two different slices of bread should remain sauce free, other than that, go for your life. Use as little or as much as you want, and do it with reckless abandon.
When your sausages are cooked, remove them from the pan and slice them fairly thinly on the diagonal before laying them on one of the slices of bread.
Next, chuck the bacon in the pan(when you have this down, you will have chucked the bacon in after removing the sausages and before slicing them). Cook the bacon, turning regularly. A short while before it has reached your desired level of cooked-ness(I like my bacon well done, but not crispy), throw in the garlic and chilli and cook until they have browned slightly, then slide it all from the pan onto your slice number one to keep the sausages company. Lay slice number two on top. Now break the three eggs carefully into the pan and fry to desired degree. Slide these carefully on top of your almost finished sandwich. Season with salt and pepper as desired(you can also add a sprinkle of chilli powder if extra heat is required). Place slice numcer three on top. Eat.

A few tips:
1)Expect to get messy.
2)Do not eat eat in polite company.
3)Put all thoughts of your Mother saying, "you'll spoil the shape of mouth" out of your head.
4)Plan to not do anything much for a good couple of hours afterwards, it's much more enjoyable if you don't have to move around much directly after eating.
5)Enjoy it

Take care Guys, until the next post xxx

P.S. To all my vegetarian friends, if you've made it this far, I'm sorry!

Icing for Armenian Nutmeg cake

Hey Guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while but I've got some crackers lined up that I keep meaning to put up. First up; Icing for our cake. Now this is not at all neccessary, the cake is fantastic just the way it is. However, this is good icing. You will need;
100 g cream cheese
500g icing sugar
1 lime
a good two inch piece of fresh ginger
First, if you have a juicer, peel both the lime and the ginger and juice. If you do not have a juicer, squeeze the lime juice into a cup, then peel the ginger and grate very finely. I have not tried this way yet but reckon it should be pretty good too.
Next, put the cream cheese in a mixing bowl and begin to cream in the icing sugar, a little at a time. When it starts to become quite firm, add the lime and ginger juice, stirring all the time. Keep adding the sugar, making sure to taste as you go along. When you have great tasting icing with a fairly firm texture, ice the cake. Easy. This amount of mixture is a bit too much for one cake, but you've got to have some left over to eat with a spoon now don't you?!!

Armenian nutmeg cake

This is a fantastic recipe for a multi-textured cake, with a firm, almost biscuity base and a soft sponge top layer. Its is also quick and very easy to make.

MIXTURE 1
2 cups self raising flour
2 cups brown sugar
120g butter

MIXTURE 2
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 cup milk
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cinammon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
(note: the original recipe suggested only 1/2 a teaspoon of nutmeg and no other spices but I find it good like this. I also add half a teaspoon or so of chilli powder for just a tiny bit of bite. Don't be afraid to play around with which spices, and how much of them you use)

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C and grease a 7 inch sponge tin.

Throw the butter in a (need I say it) microwave safe bowl and stick it the microwave long enough to soften it slightly if it has just come out of the fridge (if it is already room temperature, don't worry). Then add the flour and brown sugar and prepare as you would for a crumble. That is to say, mash and chop the butter until you no longer have big lumps of butter. Then drop the spoon and get your hands in for the fun bit. Go through the mixture rubbing it between thumb and fingers until it is a well combined, slightly coarse mixture.
Pour half of this mixture in your sponge tin and press it down with a spoon. It should be firm, but not too firm, otherwise it will take forever to cook and the base will be too dense and crunchy.
Next, combine all the ingredients of mixture 2 in a seperate bowl, then add what remains of mixture 1 and mix it all up with a spoon. Pour this on top of the base in the sponge tin and throw it in the oven, on the middle shelf.
Leave to cook for one hour and don't get alarmed if you look at it, as it will become quite dark. Remove from the oven and test by sticking a kebab skewer in the middle. If it comes out dry, you're good to go. Stick it back in for ten minutes to finish, then remove, cool and enjoy. It is also great when it's still warm.(if the skewer comes out with looking like the centre of the cake is still a bit uncooked, you probably need half an hour or so more).
Another great thing about this cake is that it keeps very well and just gets tastier and tastier as the flavour develops over time. Yum, enjoy